My dislike for public washrooms has always been a thing and I'm quite confident I'm not the only one, but my patience are drying up. Specializing in helping people to banish gas, bloat, diarrhea and constipation, you can imagine just how much poop talk I have on a daily basis and with that comes real life talks about everything from what you poop should look and smell like to public washrooms (and for some people avoiding them like the plague).
After see many many clients over the years, my list of public washroom pet peeves has grown into a most humorous list of real life experiences, that let's be honest... no one really talks about. Let's dive in, shall we?
1. Unflushed toilets and dirty stalls
This one really gets me going...
If you are suffering from IBS-D you know what I'm talkin' about here when you are rushing to the leu swinging the first available stall open to see a toilet full of shit!
You'd prefer to have a clean toilet, after all pooping on someone else's left behind poop just seems weird! So you run to the next one (toilet paper everywhere), and the next one (clogged) and think "WHERE ARE THE CLEAN TOILETS!" as you continue to swing doors open hoping for a relatively clean toilet but at this point you are considering settling as you try not to shit your pants.
2. Pee on the toilet
Sometimes the stall with pee on the toilet seat is what you have to settle on and I mean becoming the janitor and having to wipe someone else's pee off the seat (um yuck!) is about the last thing I want to be doing.
Sometimes you wonder if it is simply splashes of water from the tsunami of spinning water from the previous toilet flush, but one can never be too sure so you wipe the seat but you can bet your ass imma use a quarter of the toilet paper roll to do it, afterall the last thing you want is pee on your hands or a wet ass.
Oh and I'll also be lining the seat with toilet paper just to be sure, am I right?
3. 1/4 ply toilet paper
Let's just get straight to the point. This shit is like sand paper, what happen to the 2 ply TP? I'm pretty sure the company isn't saving any money because you'll need to use a quarter of the roll to clean the pee of their seat, another quarter of the roll lining the seat and the remaining half to adequating wipe your butt after a poop. Whoever invented 1/4 ply clearly never had IBS!
4. When they have sensors for the soap dispenser, but not the taps.
This may seem a bit of a germiphobe point to make, but you'll never forget it.
You just survived the bathroom stall and head to the sink. You turn on the sink with the nobs. Oh, how nice, you notice they have sensored soap dispensers, excellent! You lather up your hands, rinse them off and have them feeling fresh and clean, only to realize you have to turn OFF the water by touching the dirty nobs? Um, I'm sorry but people come out of the bathroom with their dirty hands and turn the taps on, you then wash your hands and then have to touch those dirty nobs with your clean hands.
It's ok though, you'll grab some paper towel and turn off the sink and if there isn't any provided that quarter ply toilet paper will have to do.
5. Counters covered in water
HOW do people even manage to do this? Like seriously, do you pull that shit at home? No, no you don't. It NEVER fails, you'll end up leaning up against it somehow and BAM shirts wet and you come out looking like a hot mess.
6. Rogue automatic flushers
Everyone has probably experienced this one time or another. They either flush mid wipe or they won't flush at all, at which point you find yourself waving to the toilet crossing your fingers it will flush so that next person doesn't find out that you just took a poop.
7. When you go in, it's empty. When you start doing your business, it's a party!
Whether you are shy about pooping or not, most people would likely rather some privacy. You go in to do your business and not a soul is in there and sure as shit the second you let go of your nerves, someone walks into the stall RIGHT next to you, just in time for the sound of the first plop of poop and by the time your done there is a crowd in the bathroom and there is no hiding you just pooped and it wasn't pretty!
Of course we could probably go on for days about the non-hand washers, the pee puddles around toilets, hand dryers that never seem to actually dry your hands, full stalls, no TP and even no locks, but I'm sure you get the point.
While public washrooms might have you cringing and maybe even making you want to avoid using them and therefore holding your bowels, I can't stress enough how much holding it is really more of a disservice to your body than the inconvenience of these washrooms.
Let this be your lighthearted giggle for the day and then get to making mental notes of the "safe" public washrooms that are typically well maintained and tolerable for while you are out and about.
Tired of the gas, bloating, diarrhea and constipation? Grab your FREE IBS-Be-Gone Cheat sheet here.